I spent nearly seven years in the Army as a paratrooper, with three combat deployments. I was wounded in action on one of those tours. As I transitioned from soldier to civilian, I was met with many of the challenges veterans face. I found it difficult to relate to others, because they hadn’t been through the same situations as me. That isn’t to take anything away from them, it just made it hard for me.
At the same time, I was popping pain pills to numb myself from my experiences over those seven years. I started to isolate myself and was headed down a very dangerous path. I was locked into a fixed mindset where I was letting my past failures define who I was in a very negative way – to the point where I was thinking about taking my own life.
A phone call that changed my life
One day in early February 2013, my phone rang. It was my friend, J.B. Ball. I met J.B. through a nonprofit organization he founded called Tee It Up for the Troops. J.B.’s son was deployed to Iraq, and J.B. had asked him what he could do to support him – such as writing letters, sending care packages, etc. His son told him to do something for those who were coming home wounded. So J.B. created a golf event that raised money for wounded veterans.
The event was such a huge success that he created the organization, which now holds golf events across the country every year and has raised more than $15 million dollars. One of the programs of this organization is putting golf clubs into the hands of wounded veterans as a means of rehabilitation – both physically and mentally. I had never swung a golf club in my life until Tee It Up for the Troops put a set in my hands and turned me loose. Immediately I fell in love with the game. I was and still am a terrible golfer. But I can separate the frustration of chasing a little white ball around from things that truly matter.
Bataan Memorial Death March
J.B. was calling because he wanted me to go with him to New Mexico to do the Bataan Memorial Death March. This event is held every year in honor of the Bataan Death March during World War II in which thousands of American and allied prisoners of war died while being forced to walk more than 60 miles by their captors. This event honors their legacy. The march is held at White Sands Missile Range and is 26.2 miles long – the length of a marathon. You also carry a weighted pack on your back – much like a ruck march in the military. The terrain you walk on goes from tarred roads to dirt paths to sand to concrete, along with steep elevation changes. It is not for the faint of heart.
J.B. was persistent
My experience in the military taught me that you need a good three to five months of training to be able to complete such an event. You cannot just get off the couch one day and expect to be able to do something like this. I let J.B. know this several times. But he was persistent. I felt like J.B. could sense the road I was going down – the isolation, the addiction – and he knew he had to do something. Finally, after him asking several times, I relented and agreed. But I told him there was no way I was going to finish. I was not prepared.
So we traveled down to New Mexico. The night before the march, there was a reception for a bunch of wounded veterans who were participating in the event. It was my first time around a group that had been through similar situations as me. I went around that reception letting every single person know that I had just found out about this the previous week and there was no way I was going to be able to finish. I had to make sure everyone knew that.
An unexpected meeting
The next morning, I was near the starting line when J.B. introduced me to a young man. I turned around and noticed he had a prosthetic for his right leg. Nine months earlier, this young man had stepped on an IED (improvised explosive device) in Afghanistan. He was participating in the event with his physical therapist from Walter Reed Hospital. I felt relieved. There was no way this guy would finish. I could just stay by him the entire time, and we’d probably make it five or 10 miles and then give up. Boy, was I wrong.
This guy broke off at mile 14 and left me in a cloud of dust. His determination and resilience motivated me to continue to push myself, and I ended up finishing the event in 6 hours and 53 minutes. My feet looked like raw hamburger by the time I was done.
It wasn’t the physical nature of the accomplishment I was most proud of. It was overcoming the obstacle I had placed in my head – the excuses I had let everyone know – that helped propel me into a growth mindset. That event showed me what I was capable of – that I could still do hard things. And it showed me the importance of being surrounded by like-minded people. People who are going to pick you up, who have your best interest in mind.
Motivated by the growth concept
I like to think of myself as a little bit of a leadership geek. I love digging into the research behind leadership – the stats, the data, the experiments, all of it. When I speak and when I write, I don’t just like to say stuff because it sounds good; I need something to back it up. And one of the first pieces of research I stumbled upon was from Carol Dweck, a brilliant professor at Stanford who has pioneered the research behind the concept of a growth mindset.
Dweck has done extensive research on motivation and achievement, and one specific study really captured my attention. The researchers would put a kid in a room and give them a puzzle to complete. The first one was easy. Once that puzzle was completed, they would receive another puzzle that was a little more difficult. That process continued; as they completed each puzzle, they were given one that was a little more difficult.
What the researchers found was that those with fixed mindsets were much more likely to give up and end the study. Those who had a growth mindset actually became more and more exhilarated as the puzzles became more and more challenging. They thrived on the idea that they might come up short, but that it was going to be a huge learning opportunity for them.
Nookie-blankie zone
People who have a fixed mindset like to stay in what I call their “nookie-blankie” zone. This is the stuff they know how to do, and they don’t want to try anything else for fear of failure. On the other side, those with a growth mindset see risks as opportunities. They don’t let failure define who they are. Instead, they view these opportunities as chances to learn, grow and get better at something.
A fixed mindset can show up in numerous ways in our lives. It doesn’t have to be the stereotypical idea of getting an “F” on a test. It could be our resistance to receiving critical feedback or our emotionally driven reaction to a change at work or how we compare ourselves to others.
What are some areas of your life where you might be stuck in a fixed mindset? Make a list of things you avoid because they make you uncomfortable or you may not be that good at them. Once you have your list, identify opportunities for you to face those challenges head on. After each opportunity, assess your growth. How have you improved?
Patrick Nelson served in the U.S. Army as a paratrooper and completed three deployments. His military awards include the Bronze Star Medal and the Purple Heart Medal. He holds a master’s degree in sports management from Minnesota State and a master’s in organization development from Pepperdine University.
Nelson will present on the same topic at TCIA’s Winter Management Conference ’24 in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, February 11-16. For more about WMC and to register, visit wmc.tcia.org.
